3 Things You Should Be Sure About Before Saying ‘I Do’
Most people begin to fantasize about their wedding day when they are just kids. The moment when two parties affirm their love in front of a cloud of witnesses is a magical one. But behind every magical wedding moment is a lot of time, effort, and commitment from both parties. Saying “I do” is one of the most serious things you can say in your life, and here are three important things you need to be sure about before saying it:
Money is one of the leading causes of problems in marriages but many couples surprisingly don’t have serious conversations about money before tying the knot. These conversations are not the “how much do you earn?” types that involve a simple question and answer. We’re talking about a deep conversation about expectations, spending habits, and debts.
Financial debt is one of the leading reasons couples get divorced. Debts that a party may have neglected to tell the other puts a strain on even the strongest marriages.
Spending habits is another area that you must be sure about. Is your partner frugal in their spending? Do they know how to do their taxes? Do they have a good saving habit? These are things you need to know and be clear about.
You also need to have a system of having financial discussions and plans i.e. a guide to your spending and saving that includes and benefits both parties.
Personality And Values
You’d be surprised by the number of people that get married without first accepting all the sides and dimensions of their partner’s personality. Most believe that they can change their partner, but this mostly leads to conflict and resentment.
A study involving people who have been married for years revealed that trying to change your partner never ever works out. In this study the experts i.e. elderly people who have been married for years say that before making a commitment, make a list of things you don’t like about your partner and decide whether they are deal-breakers or not. If they are, don’t go ahead with the marriage. “It will get better later on,” “He/she will change,” “I can make him/her better” are all fool’s errands, according to the study.
You should also be certain about your partner’s value system. What are their core values? Do they match with yours? What do they consider as cheating? What do they consider as intimacy? Open conversations need to be had about topics like these.
Conversations like these are not easy to have, but there are ways to have tough conversations without it becoming uncomfortable or unpleasant. On the off chance that you feel your partner is purposefully withholding information from you about their past, personality or spending habits, there are free online information databases like Go Look Up—a leading authority in online information—that enable you to look up anyone to get relevant information that they may be trying to hide. This shouldn’t be your first resort in a conflict situation, however, if your partner is unyielding and you’re sure that they are hiding something that could potentially hurt your future relationship, then you might want to run a check just in case.
Communication And Cooperation
Marriage is teamwork, and people who can’t work as a team cannot excel at a team sport. It’s easy to get swept away by the passion and infatuation of a new relationship or marriage, but that doesn’t last, and it definitely is not what is needed to make a marriage last.
What makes marriages last is open communication and teamwork. A couple cannot cooperate if they do not get along. Getting along is much more than not fighting, and is something you always have to work on.
The way you communicate determines how you deal with conflict, how well you get along, and well long your marriage lasts.
So before going out to buy those custom engagement rings, make sure you and your partner are ready to spend the rest of your lives together. Sealing the deal with an exquisite piece of jewelry tells your partner you see and appreciate them, and are excited about the next step.